Nina Paley's Fluff
The New Guy 2
Written by Ian Akin
Drawn by Nina Paley

National Police Week
The Escaped Animals
Terrible Mother (Sunday)
Checkers The Pirate (2 Weeks)
Prey Of The Month (Sunday)
The Cat Whisperer
Checkers' Ark (3 Weeks)






Panel 1: Human is rushing out door, Sasha is looking after her longingly.
Sasha: 'Our human works too much. She only has time to feed us before rushing off.'
Panel 2: Close on Sasha.
Sasha: 'It's all the fault of the Industrial Revolution! In the old days a human would be home more, so they could pet the cat!'
Panel 3: Sasha looking inspired (Holding a front toe in the air? Lightbulb over head?).
Sasha: 'That's it! I'll come up with a scheme to reverse the Industrial Revolution!' 'Of course it would probably be easier to just get our human fired.'

Panel 1: Sasha in front of computer, looking pleased with herself.
Sasha: 'OK, I've hacked into the files of our human's company and gotten her fired. Now she'll be home all the time, and we'll get lots of attention! She'll thank us later.'
Computer Screen: 'Human no longer exists'
Panel 2: Human's legs enter through door on left side of panel. Responding with shock and alarm to her words on right side of panel is Sasha.
Human: 'Sob! I've been fired! Now I won't be able to afford to feed the cats!'
Sasha: 'Gasp!'

Panel 1: Human's legs in front of computer, she just stood up. Sasha in foreground.
Human: 'Whew! Finally finished my resume!'
Sasha: 'I feel like I should do something to help her get a new job since I got her fired.'
Panel 2: Sasha (in silhouette?) in front of computer. On screen you can see several lines of human's resume.
Sasha: 'I'll just enhance her resume some…'
Computer Screen:
'Education: Harvard, Oxford. PHDs & stuff.
Experience: VIP Fortune 500 company, Nobel prize.
Salary requirements: Lots of Catfood
Panel 3: Human in chair next to desk, behind which sits a boss type holding her resume.
Boss-type: 'Mmm. Your resume is quite impressive… I assume when you say you'll work for 'cat food' you mean that metaphorically…?'

Panel 1: Human bursts in door, Sasha & Snark in foreground.
Human: 'Oh, kitties, I'm so happy! I got the job!'
Sasha: (thought balloon) 'Well, she won't be home enough, but at least she'll be able to feed us. It could be worse.'
Panel 2: Humans legs in background, Sasha in foreground looking totally alarmed.
Human: 'And I met a guy!'
Sasha: (thought balloon) 'Uh oh!'

Panel 1: A pair of human legs, one male, one female. A male hand (her new Beau) is reaching down toward Sasha and Snark. Snark is backing away, fur a bit on end, but Sasha is being polite. She'll regret it next panel!
Human: '…And these are my cats, 'Sasha' and 'Snark'. Did you say you like cats?'
Beau: 'Oh, sure! C'mere, cat.'
Panel 2: Male hand has grabbed Sasha by her scruff and is lifting her. Her eyes are looking up irritatedly.
Beau: 'Whad'ja say his name was?
S & S's Human: 'Her name. It's Sasha.'
Panel 3: Beau is sitting with Sasha on his lap, such as it is. He's… Petting her the wrong way! She does not look happy.
Sasha: (thought balloon) 'I'm getting a bad feeling…'

Panel 1: Legs of Human and her new mate at the table, Sasha & Snark on floor looking hopeful, Sasha licking her chops.
Beau: 'Aah, that fish was great! I'm stuffed!'
Sasha & Snark's Human: OK, I'll just give the rest to the cats.'
Sasha: (thought balloon) 'Mmm…maybe this new human isn't so bad!
Panel 2: Similar scene, but Sasha & Snark are enraged.
Beau: 'Well, if it's just going to go to waste I guess I can eat the rest…'
Sasha: (thought balloon) 'He Must die!'

Panel 1: Sasha, Snark and Elba in foreground, their Human & her new beau in background (on couch?). Sasha looks irritated, determined. Snark is biting something. Elba just looks thoughtful (stroking her chin?)
Sasha: 'We have to do something to get rid of our human's new mate!'
Panel 2: Sasha, considering the possibilities.
Sasha: 'Should we drown him? Stick him in the microwave? Cut off his whiskers so he'll get stuck in the doorway?'
Panel 3: Elba to Sasha.
Elba: 'I told you that you needed an alligator pit!'
Sasha: 'Hmmm…'

Panel 1: Sasha & Snark's human is eating dinner with her new beau, he's lifting a spoonful of soup up, she's letting her spoonful pour off her spoon back into the soup (I'm trying to portray her confusion and his eager slurping without showing their faces). In the background you can see Sasha, she has a question mark over her head.
Beau: 'Mmm! This soup's good! The extra hot sauce really gives it bite!'
S & S's Human: 'Hot sauce? Mine doesn't have any hot sauce in it...'
Panel 2: Close on Sasha, looking frustrated. She's looking at, perhaps touching with a paw, a spice jar that says 'Hot sauce- XXX hot!' on the side.
Sasha: 'Darn! I thought it was poison!'

Panel 1: Elba walks up to Sasha, who's at the computer, she has two books: 'Summoning Demons- Windows95 version' and 'Necronomicon for Cats'
Elba: 'Hey, Sasha, what's going on?'
Sasha: 'I need to get rid of our Human's new mate, so I'm learning spells to summon demons on the computer.'
Panel 2: Elba looking concerned, Sasha looking confident.
Elba: 'Isn't that dangerous? What if you hit the wrong key?
Sasha: 'No problem…'
Panel 3: Sasha, looking confident, and her computer.
Sasha: '…This computer has a spell checker!'

Panel 1: Sasha at computer, onscreen or as background you can see what she's typed in.
Sasha: 'Once I summon these demons, they'll get rid of our Human's new mate!
Screen: 'Come forth Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Moloch, The Vet, Ashtoroth and dread Cthulhu!'
Panel 2: Sasha looks pleased as she paws the keypad.
Sasha: 'Now I just have to run it through the spellchecker and hit 'enter'!
Panel 3: Sasha rolls her eyes at what appears with a 'Poof!'. It's a heap containing: Asparagus, an Artichoke or two, a cube or two of butter, some Mollusks and a few Custard cups. Peeking out from behind the heap, looking confused, is a Veterinarian. In BG Elba walks in with a word balloon with smaller lettering. On the screen (or in background) are words.
Screen: 'Come forth Asparagus, Beet butter, Mollusk, The Vet, Artichoke and dread Custard!'
Elba: 'Mmm! Beet butter!'

Panel 1 Sasha to Snark, in foreground. Snark can look a little malevolent. Their Human on couch in BG with… Him.
Sasha: 'Maybe the best way to get rid of our human's horrid new mate is to sabotage his car, so he drives off a cliff and explodes in a ball of fire!'
Panel 2: A car. Beau obscured by windshield as he tries to start it.
Beau: 'Darn car won't start!'
Car: 'rrrRRRrrrRRRrrrRRRrr…'
Panel 3: Beau opens hood of car to reveal Snark adorably nestled amongst the wires and hoses by the engine, adorably chewing them to bits.
Snark: 'prrrr..'