THE NEW GUY
1: Human is rushing out door, Sasha is looking after her longingly.
Sasha: 'Our human works too much. She only has time to feed us
before rushing off.'
Panel 2: Close on Sasha.
Sasha: 'It's all the fault of the Industrial Revolution! In the
old days a human would be home more, so they could pet the cat!'
Panel 3: Sasha looking inspired (Holding a front toe in the air?
Lightbulb over head?).
Sasha: 'That's it! I'll come up with a scheme to reverse the Industrial
Revolution!' 'Of course it would probably be easier to just get
our human fired.'
Panel 1: Sasha in front of computer, looking pleased with herself.
Sasha: 'OK, I've hacked into the files of our human's company
and gotten her fired. Now she'll be home all the time, and we'll
get lots of attention! She'll thank us later.'
Computer Screen: 'Human no longer exists'
Panel 2: Human's legs enter through door on left side of panel.
Responding with shock and alarm to her words on right side of
panel is Sasha.
Human: 'Sob! I've been fired! Now I won't be able to afford to
feed the cats!'
Panel 1: Human's legs in front of computer, she just stood up.
Sasha in foreground.
Human: 'Whew! Finally finished my resume!'
Sasha: 'I feel like I should do something to help her get a new
job since I got her fired.'
Panel 2: Sasha (in silhouette?) in front of computer. On screen
you can see several lines of human's resume.
Sasha: 'I'll just enhance her resume some
'Education: Harvard, Oxford. PHDs & stuff.
Experience: VIP Fortune 500 company, Nobel prize.
Salary requirements: Lots of Catfood
Panel 3: Human in chair next to desk, behind which sits a boss
type holding her resume.
Boss-type: 'Mmm. Your resume is quite impressive
when you say you'll work for 'cat food' you mean that metaphorically
Panel 1: Human bursts in door, Sasha & Snark in foreground.
Human: 'Oh, kitties, I'm so happy! I got the job!'
Sasha: (thought balloon) 'Well, she won't be home enough, but
at least she'll be able to feed us. It could be worse.'
Panel 2: Humans legs in background, Sasha in foreground looking
Human: 'And I met a guy!'
Sasha: (thought balloon) 'Uh oh!'
Panel 1: A pair of human legs, one male, one female. A male hand
(her new Beau) is reaching down toward Sasha and Snark. Snark
is backing away, fur a bit on end, but Sasha is being polite.
She'll regret it next panel!
And these are my cats, 'Sasha' and 'Snark'. Did
you say you like cats?'
Beau: 'Oh, sure! C'mere, cat.'
Panel 2: Male hand has grabbed Sasha by her scruff and is lifting
her. Her eyes are looking up irritatedly.
Beau: 'Whad'ja say his name was?
S & S's Human: 'Her name. It's Sasha.'
Panel 3: Beau is sitting with Sasha on his lap, such as it is.
Petting her the wrong way! She does not look happy.
Sasha: (thought balloon) 'I'm getting a bad feeling
Panel 1: Legs of Human and her new mate at the table, Sasha &
Snark on floor looking hopeful, Sasha licking her chops.
Beau: 'Aah, that fish was great! I'm stuffed!'
Sasha & Snark's Human: OK, I'll just give the rest to the
Sasha: (thought balloon) 'Mmm
maybe this new human isn't
Panel 2: Similar scene, but Sasha & Snark are enraged.
Beau: 'Well, if it's just going to go to waste I guess I can eat
Sasha: (thought balloon) 'He Must die!'
Panel 1: Sasha, Snark and Elba in foreground, their Human &
her new beau in background (on couch?). Sasha looks irritated,
determined. Snark is biting something. Elba just looks thoughtful
(stroking her chin?)
Sasha: 'We have to do something to get rid of our human's new
Panel 2: Sasha, considering the possibilities.
Sasha: 'Should we drown him? Stick him in the microwave? Cut off
his whiskers so he'll get stuck in the doorway?'
Panel 3: Elba to Sasha.
Elba: 'I told you that you needed an alligator pit!'
Panel 1: Sasha & Snark's human is eating dinner with her new
beau, he's lifting a spoonful of soup up, she's letting her spoonful
pour off her spoon back into the soup (I'm trying to portray her
confusion and his eager slurping without showing their faces).
In the background you can see Sasha, she has a question mark over
Beau: 'Mmm! This soup's good! The extra hot sauce really gives
S & S's Human: 'Hot sauce? Mine doesn't have any hot sauce
Panel 2: Close on Sasha, looking frustrated. She's looking at,
perhaps touching with a paw, a spice jar that says 'Hot sauce-
XXX hot!' on the side.
Sasha: 'Darn! I thought it was poison!'
Panel 1: Elba walks up to Sasha, who's at the computer, she has
two books: 'Summoning Demons- Windows95 version' and 'Necronomicon
Elba: 'Hey, Sasha, what's going on?'
Sasha: 'I need to get rid of our Human's new mate, so I'm learning
spells to summon demons on the computer.'
Panel 2: Elba looking concerned, Sasha looking confident.
Elba: 'Isn't that dangerous? What if you hit the wrong key?
Sasha: 'No problem
Panel 3: Sasha, looking confident, and her computer.
This computer has a spell checker!'
Panel 1: Sasha at computer, onscreen or as background you can
see what she's typed in.
Sasha: 'Once I summon these demons, they'll get rid of our Human's
Screen: 'Come forth Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Moloch, The Vet, Ashtoroth
and dread Cthulhu!'
Panel 2: Sasha looks pleased as she paws the keypad.
Sasha: 'Now I just have to run it through the spellchecker and
Panel 3: Sasha rolls her eyes at what appears with a 'Poof!'.
It's a heap containing: Asparagus, an Artichoke or two, a cube
or two of butter, some Mollusks and a few Custard cups. Peeking
out from behind the heap, looking confused, is a Veterinarian.
In BG Elba walks in with a word balloon with smaller lettering.
On the screen (or in background) are words.
Screen: 'Come forth Asparagus, Beet butter, Mollusk, The Vet,
Artichoke and dread Custard!'
Elba: 'Mmm! Beet butter!'
Panel 1 Sasha to Snark, in foreground. Snark can look a little
malevolent. Their Human on couch in BG with
Sasha: 'Maybe the best way to get rid of our human's horrid new
mate is to sabotage his car, so he drives off a cliff and explodes
in a ball of fire!'
Panel 2: A car. Beau obscured by windshield as he tries to start
Beau: 'Darn car won't start!'
Panel 3: Beau opens hood of car to reveal Snark adorably nestled
amongst the wires and hoses by the engine, adorably chewing them